Elephant Jokes

• Q: How can you put two elephants in a Volkswagon?
  A: One in the front seat, one in the back seat.
• Q: How can you tell if there are two elephants in your refrigerator?
  A: Look for footprints in the butter.
• Q: How can you put four elephants in a Volkswagon?
  A: Two in the front seat, two in the back seat.
• Q: How can you tell if there are four elephants in your refrigerator?
  A: Look for a Volkswagon in the driveway.
• Q: Why do elephants like to ride in VW Beetles?
  A: It also has a trunk in the front.
• Q: How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator?
  A: Open the door, put the elephant inside, close the door.
• Q: How do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator?
  A: Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe inside, close the door.
• Q: How do you make an elephant float?
  A: With two scoops of ice-cream, a bottle of root beer, and an elephant.
• Q: Why did the elephant wear dark sunglasses?
  A: So he wouldn't be recognized.
• Q: What did Tarzan say when the elephant came up over the hill?
  A: Nothing. He didn't recognize the elephant because he was wearing dark sunglasses.
• Q: What is the difference between a plum and an elephant?
  A: A plum is purple.
• Q: What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants coming up over the hill?
  A: Look, the plums are coming! (Jane was colorblind.)
• Q: What did the cat say to the elephant?
  A: Meow.
• Q: Why do elephants never forget?
  A: Because nobody ever tells them anything!
• Q: What's the difference between an elephant and a flea?
  A: An elephant can have fleas, but a flea can't have elephants.
• Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
  A: Because the chicken didn't make it.
• Q: How do you keep an elephant from charging?
  A: Take away his credit cards.
• Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
  A: To try to forget.
• Q: Why do elephants take showers?
  A: Because they can't fit in the tub.
• Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmellow?
  A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.
• Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
  A: You don't, you get down from a duck.
• Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
  A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
• Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails green?
  A: So he could hide in a tree.
• Q: Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a tree?
  A: It worked, didn't it!
• Q: How do elephants get up into the trees, anyway?
  A: They parachute from airplanes.
• Q: What kind of airplanes do elephants parachute from?
  A: Dumbo jets.
• Q: Why is it dangerous to walk through the jungle in the evening?
  A: Because that is when the elephants are parachuting out of the airplanes.
• Q: Why are elephants such bad dancers?
  A: Because they have two left feet.
• Q: Why don't elephants use computers?
  A: Because they are afraid of the mouse.
• Q: What's the difference between an elephant and an eggplant?
  A: If you don't know, then I'm never asking you to get me any eggplant!
• Q: What did the banana say to the elephant?
  A: Nothing. Bananas can't talk.
• Q: What should you do to a blue elephant?
  A: Tell it funny jokes.
• Q: Where do you find elephants?
  A: That depends on where you lost them.
• Q: What do elephants have that no other animals have?
  A: Baby elephants.
• Q: What’s the best way to raise a baby elephant?
  A: With a forklift.
• Q: How do you make an elephant float?
  A: One scoop of ice cream, root beer, and an elephant.
• Q: What do you do with a green elephant?
  A: Let it ripen.
• Q: How is an elephant like a banana?
  A: They're both gray. Except for the banana.
• Q: Why are elephants so wrinkled?
  A: Because it takes too long to iron them.
• Q: What's the best thing to do if an elephant sneezes?
  A: Get out of the way!
• Q: Why are elephants gray?
  A: So you can tell them apart from blueberries.
• Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
  A: Sir.
• Q: What do you call an elephant with pink earmuffs and a dress?
  A: Anything you want, it can't hear you.
• Q: Why don't more elephants go to college?
  A: Because not many of them finish high school.
• Q: What is the same shape and size as an elephant, but weighs nothing?
  A: An elephant's shadow.
• Q: Where are elephants usually found?
  A: They are so big they are hardly ever lost.
• Q: What is big, gray, and blue?
  A: An elephant holding its breath.
• Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
  A: Time to get a new fence.
• Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on an electric fence?
  A: Time to get a new elephant.
• Q: What's big, gray, and lives in Scotland?
  A: The Lock Ness Elephant.
• Q: Who started the elephant jokes?
  A: That's what the elephants want to know.
• Q: What goes down but never goes up?
  A: An elephant in an elevator.
• Q: What’s big and gray and has horns?
  A: An elephant marching band.
• Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
  A: Elephino.
• Q: What would you do if an elephant sat in front of you at a movie?
  A: Miss most of the movie.
• Q: What's the difference between an elephant and a Zippo?
  A: One's very heavy and the other's a little lighter.
• I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said “Thanks.” I said “Don't mention it.”

Author Unknown